No cape required: Vince Clements’s life as a working foster parent

Walk past Vince Clements in the corridor at work and he’ll give you a smile. Because that’s just the sort of man he is, always with a kind word for everyone and big-hearted to a fault. But Vince has a secret. By day he’s a Tender Support Professional for Canon Europe, but beneath his business casual, he’s actually a superhero.

Of course, that’s not the official title given to the nearly 60,000 official foster carers in the UK, but we’d argue that it should definitely be in the dictionary definition. You see, Vince and his husband – who already had full time jobs, two kids, two dogs, a cat and elderly parents living in an adjoining annex to their house – have welcomed two more children into their busy home. A brother and sister who were in desperate need of stability and love during a turbulent time in their young lives.

“The organisational skills I’ve built up in my career have definitely helped when it comes to looking after four children!” laughs Vince. “Especially right now when all four are at different schools – that’s four school runs, four sets of homework and four different parents’ WhatsApp groups, which have been priceless because they keep me up to date.”

If you’ve read this far and are wondering how on earth he fits all this into an average day, you’re not the only one. But, as they say, raising children takes a village and for foster children that village is an active one. Between a close-knit extended family, trusted friends, supportive managers and colleagues, fellow foster carers, specialist services and social workers, they have a wonderful network behind them. Even so, it wouldn’t be true to say that fostering is all plain sailing. But, although Vince is candid about the challenges, he wouldn’t change a thing.

“You go into fostering with your eyes wide open. You are given a buddy, who is very honest with you, as are the social workers. But of course, living it is very different from hearing it,” he says. “And there are challenges – especially the teenage years – and there will always be bumps in the road.” After a long process of working with social services to find the best possible match for the children and their own family circumstances (Vince’s youngest son is autistic, which naturally factored into any decisions), they welcomed the siblings on what is called a ‘long-term arrangement’. “There's short term, long term and permanency. Short term wasn’t for us, as we needed to consider our son’s environment, so we wanted to help long term.”

The goal, says Vince, is “pure stability, routine and structure. Children thrive when they know what’s coming next and don’t have to worry about what’s going to happen.” Parenting an autistic child means that keeping a steady daily rhythm in their household is essential and this naturally creates the very consistency and emotional quiet that their foster children needed. “Within a week or two their anxiety at school went right down. Their behaviour at home was brilliant, and I think that's because they always know what's expected of them and we’ve created a really calm environment from day one.”

Their gentle parenting has also helped the children through their feelings of guilt. “Foster children want to stay with their parents, they don’t want to leave them – it’s all they’ve known,” explains Vince. “So, they often feel like they shouldn’t be enjoying themselves with their new foster family. This takes time.” They often talk about the future together and the relationship the children will be able to have with their parents when they are older. Vince and his husband also encourage them to write letters and send gifts and cards on special occasions. “We support their relationships with their birth family, so they don't have to feel guilty about not being with them.”

For Vince and his husband, they are simply six now. Their foster children will be with them until they are 18, but as far as everyone is concerned, that is just a legal number. “They may go off to university, but it will be no different to our own children. They’re part of our family.” With the individual needs of four children, plus so many logistics, was Vince ever tempted to give up working and become a full-time parent? Not a chance.

“Raising children is so rewarding, and being able to help our foster children is such a privilege. But I didn't want to give up my career – I like being at the office and needed to keep that going,” explains Vince. “My HR Manager and my Line Manager are so flexible and supportive too. They basically said, ‘what you’re doing is amazing, just let us know what you need, and we’ll be there for you’. Plus, I've got a fantastic husband and family. We’re proof that you can have a career and also be a foster carer at the same time. It can work.”

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